A Health Update & Prayer Request

I have gone back & forth about how much to share. I do NOT want to be constantly complaining. But over & over I just keep feeling that it’s a story that needs to be told. I’m learning to be an advocate for myself. It’s hard. But important. I KNOW something SERIOUS is going on. And I’m not willing to just accept & treat the symptoms, hoping I’ll get better. It’s gone way past that point.

I know this is long overdue. And it may be long. I’m sorry. Prayer requests at the bottom if you want to skip to the end. 😉

Honestly I don’t even know where to start. I have been dealing with health issues for many years, so where this “new” issue began, for sure, is hard to say. The past 6-9 months have been very stressful, a LOT going on. And I think the beginning symptoms I blew off, assuming it was stress related. I just kept pushing my body and it is finally telling me in NO uncertain terms to STOP!

October 16th I made a “normal” trip to Rockford (an hour drive each way, so it becomes a day trip) – we had a couple errands to run & a 2 hour appt. I was gone about 6 hours. Normally, these trips DO drain me. I expected a day or two of doing very little to “recover” & get back to my “normal”.

However, an extreme fatigue/exhaustion hit my body. I don’t even know how else to explain it. After 5 days of doing as little as possible, I realized something was not right & I just was not recovering at all. I spent 3 hours at the Dr that morning & it drained me SO much! You never realize how much you appreciate something until it’s gone!! When it’s hard & draining to just sit in a chair!! And my Dr didn’t have a clue what was going on, but wanted me to take an antidepressant because I couldn’t stop crying.

I couldn’t stop crying because there is something SERIOUS going on that’s being missed & overlooked. And depression is NOT the cause of this. I have dealt with depression most of my adult life. It’s not something I share very openly about, maybe that’s been wrong, I don’t know. If anyone WANTS to talk about it, I’m happy to.

This is different. It just is not the same. I am NOT depressed. I AM sick and that is causing moments of sadness. But, I can definitely tell the difference on days I get some sleep…it is so much easier to be cheerful & have a positive outlook. Whatever this disease is, is causing emotional symptoms.

In the weeks since, the symptoms have changed some, with new ones cropping up all the time. But the overwhelming fatigue & exhaustion has not let up, nor has the heart racing. I have NO energy at all. I am getting weaker by the day. I have lost over 20 pounds in the past couple months. I just can hardly even force myself to eat – I can eat a few bites then I’m gagging & just can’t even eat. My muscles are spasming & locking up. The pain…. I mean, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain for most of my adult life. But the intense pain that comes & goes is excruciating (it is a blessing that it isn’t constant, that makes it bearable!) It feels like my wrists are going to explode! I just don’t even know how else to explain it.

I am so jittery & shaky…especially if I get worked up. I had a lady yelling at me a few weeks ago & I just started shaking uncontrollably. Just the hour I’ve spent writing this post this morning, I have noticed a huge difference. It’s so, so emotional & personal. I can’t tell you how terrifying it is to have people (especially medical professionals) blow me off & not take things seriously.

Every nerve in my body feels like it’s shaking, on edge, painful. It’s bizarre.

There’s a lot more, but the absolute worst is…

…the insomnia (because it is causing so many other symptoms to be worse – physically & emotionally). Being awake for hours each night, or waking up at 2am and not being able to go back to sleep. It’s really messing with my emotions. Which are also under attack. Whatever is going on has affected my heart – it’s racing & pounding; my nervous system – I can’t regulate my body temperature, I’m freezing & uncontrollably shaking, then occassionally I’m just hot & sweating. It is causing anxiety (which I have NEVER dealt with before) and so much more. And the brain fog? Woah. I just honestly can’t wrap my brain around certain things right now. One of the kids wrote a sentence yesterday that was supposed to have a helping verb being used as a linking verb…I couldn’t even grade it…no clue. The headaches… The pins & needles & numbness & tingling.

Bottom line? I’m in pretty rough shape. And it’s scary! For me, for the kids, for us all.

The kids have been great, helping with whatever they can & doing what they can to cheer me up (yesterday they choreographed & sang a funny song for us after nap time, I laughed so hard! It was wonderful. I took a video, if I can figure out how to share a couple minute long video, I will.) Grant has been great, holding me when I’m shivering or crying (again! Is that the 5th time today? I guess that’s better than the 20 times yesterday?) 🤦‍♀️ He’s been very supportive, but it is taking it’s toll on our whole family. Its hardest to not have answers.

I DID get in to see a functional Dr last week & we are running a ton of tests. But that takes weeks. She is certain that we will be finding multiple issues, with everything that is going on. And it’s daunting to think about. I’m realizing that we are at the beginning of a long journey here. I have a follow up appt in Dec, assuming we have back enough test results to go over.

Prayer requests: Please pray for wisdom. And answers, so we can start treatment. I am getting weaker & worse each day. Pray for joy and peace. It is hard to be patient & trust.

I don’t know what God’s trying to teach us through this journey. But I’m trying to be willing to learn. I don’t want to waste this. I want to make the best of it. It has helped me to be able to work on my book, but lately even that is hard. I can’t even concentrate on a movie!

To whoever made it to the end of this – Bless your heart & Thank you! It means a lot to me & I appreciate those that are reaching out & touching base with me. It makes a difference! I covet & appreciate your prayers.